Well, it's been another month, so another update is in order, I suppose. I have no idea how many people are actually reading this, and eBlogger's being a pain and just ate a rather long update, so I don't know how coherent this will be.
Another birthday has come and gone. After last December, where I was reminded that seeing another year is not, as we so often think, a given, I'm glad enough to see it, but I can't say I've progressed substantially since last year. I still live at home. I still haven't finished a story. I still have to figure out where I want to go so I can determine how to get there, rather than going about it the other way around as I seem to have been doing.
I have been job hunting, as I have been for pretty much the entire year. This past Tuesday, I went in for an interview on a job at the local library service center. It's not even part time - maybe 15 hours a week - but it's set hours and more pay than I'm getting now, and it looks more tolerable than being a Target "team member" or putting pickled pigs feet on shelves in grocery stores again. The interview lasted all of ten minutes. I don't believe I outright blew it, but I don't know how well I did, either. The only question I'm pretty sure I aced was when I was asked how I would feel about handling library material which I didn't necessarily like or agree with; I don't consider it my place to judge such things, and the whole point of a library is free access to information whether or not I approve of or care for it, and I told them as much. Anyway, now it goes to Human Resources. How long before I hear back? If I don't hear back by November, I was told, I ought to call them back. (Translation: If you don't hear back by November, we don't have anything to say that you'd want to hear anyway.) This leaves me in that gray area where I don't know whether or not to fill out more applications. I always feel nervous enough when even one application is "out there." Having more than one is almost more than I can take. But I do need an income, as soon as possible, and whether it's a Dream Job or a Bill Payer, I can't help feel that I'm stuck in neutral until I get one.
I have also managed to keep writing, if a bit more irregularly than I ought to be writing. The third draft is up to Chapter 8, wherein I'm finally getting up to events that used to, in the first round, take place round about chapters 3 or 4. I'm writing in keeping with the String Theory: it's easier to cut a length of string that's too long than it is to stretch a length of string that's too short. In other words, editing will be easier if I have too much material than if I don't have enough. I know that's not the scientific definition of the String Theory, but I'm not a scientist, so this is my personal string theory. Of course, I've only ever finished one remotely book-length story (long, long ago - and don't ask about it, because it pretty much was a juvenile effort that sucked spider-infested burnt toast) and never attempted professional publication, so I don't know if it holds water in the real world. Hmm... strings don't hold water, do they? I may have to rename my theory...
My websites continue to evolve. I finally broke up and reorganized my original site, the Realm of the Bright Dreamers, which had existed in more or less the same state since I first went online back in 1998. That's next to nothing in real world terms, but in Internet terms that's forever. Much like Skyhaven Adoptions outgrew the Realm and came to dominate its own site, so, too, have my book reviews. The Realm of the Bright Dreamers is no more: in its place are Brightdreamer Books & More and Dreamspire Castle. The former is dedicated to my book reviews (just cleared 500 with my last update), my DVDs, and other Barnes & Noble affiliate stuff, more streamlined as I intend to try pushing it more as a book review site. Dreamspire Castle holds what remains of the Realm, with my links and my (few) stories, and an adopted cyberpet section which currently seems to be the most active region. I hope to have some original art hosted there eventually, and maybe some more stories. I keep wanting to write up some of my weird dreams and late-night idea fragments as short stories... but I digress.
Speaking of websites, part of my birthday haul this year was a full version of Macromedia Flash 4. I know, I know - current version is Flash 8 or 9 or whatever. We don't have current-version budgets in this family, and hopefully Flash 4 will still do the job. This ads fuel to the dangerous embers of idea which first sparked when I received a free book on Flash 4. See, Flash 4 can do animation. Flash 4 can do games for web sites. I like animation. I like games. I have web sites. I can't help feeling that I need some sort of a schedule, and perhaps a few industrial-sized alarm clocks, before I boot it up, though, lest I be lost forever in the vortex. In the meantime, I can read up on it, so read I shall.
I suppose that's enough wasted time and blog space for now. I ought to wander off and see what I can do with the rest of the day. And tomorrow. And the next day, and the next... yeesh, November's so very far away...
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Lament of the Last Literate Lurker
I'm writing this as I watch minutes tick by toward midnight (or somewhere close to midnight somewhere.) At this time, I will be banning all image hotlinking from my domain. Why? Why, indeed...
Twice this month, I have caught visitors to Skyhaven Adoptions remote-linking their images. The problem is not that it's tripping my bandwidth allowance (yet.) The problem is that I very specifically and repeatedly state that remote-linking is against the rules, the rules through which all visitors must pass before they even see the critters. Logic tells me that there are other hotlinkers out there; these two were just dumb/naive enough (potayto, potahto) to let me know about it. Usually, I content myself with changing file names once in a while. This breaks links, leaving bandwidth thieves with a lovely collection of red X's. In fact, that's how I tried to deal with the first offender. I even went the extra mile and informed her that her links may well go bad in a short time, so she ought to save them and upload them properly to her own site. So, a few days later, I checked to see if she got the hint (I had been keeping tabs on her via guestbook entries, warning her that she'd better stop stealing bandwidth pronto, and that her little song-and-dance routine about how she didn't realize it was breaking the rules and how it shouldn't matter because she's special in some way, blah, blah, blah), and what did I find? She had diligently gone back through Skyhaven and updated all her links to the new addresses. What really toasted my tailfeathers, the thing that really got my dander up, was that some of these images were from the "Megahunt," the hardest part of the hunt... the part she had the audacity to tell me was "too hard" because she had to get her mommy to help her! Steal from the Main Adoption Lairs? Not good, but not infuriating. Steal from the general Skyhaven Hunt, where people theoretically have to work to earn their critters? Even worse. Steal from the Megahunt, on top of telling me (in a poorly-spelled and grammatically infuriating way) my puzzles are too hard? Such fools deserve to be chased barefoot across hot lava by wild boars. Lacking the lava or the boars, I managed to get things straightened out for the time being. I even managed to tell her basic information about her Megahunt "earned" creatures which it was impossible to solve the Megahunt without learning; no wonder she had to have her mother do it for her. (Double-shame on Mom for actually doing it - if the thief had to struggle through on her own for a while, she might actually learn some reading comprehension.)
The second problem literally dropped into my Inbox. I won't go into detail, but again it all boiled down to reading Rules and not understanding or caring about them. I sent an e-mail explaining how to properly host images, but since it involved more than ten consecutive words I'm not holding my breath on the lesson taking. I have a sneaking suspicion that the first and second offenders are at the very least friends, if not dual personalities of the same physical entity. It was this, and the realization that for every "dumb crook" who falls into my lap like these two there must be dozens more bandwidth thieves smart enough not to draw attention to themselves, that prompted me to follow through with my original threat to block all image hotlinking from Skyhaven, even though this seriously inconvenienced me. One of the perks of paying for my own domain space was that I could host my own avatar images and other pictures. I enjoyed it. Now I have to rely on Photobucket, and while I've never had a problem with them, it rankles that I cannot use my own domain space because of generally clueless people.
Through this, I came to a very sad realization. I am apparently the last literate internet user on the planet. See, both of these offenders (and countless more I don't know about) claim to have read my Rules. I consider myself a relatively clear, of occasionally verbose, writer. My Rules at Skyhaven expressly forbid remote linking. They explain what remote linking is. They explain how to save images. They even explain how to obtain an account with Photobucket and Imageshack if they need an image host (though why they would I don't know, as I haven't heard of a site host yet that couldn't upload image files.) In short, I bent over backwards when writing my Rules to accomodate visitors of all skill and maturity levels. And yet, through e-mails and guestbook entry exchanges, I must conclude that it isn't enough, because nobody's actually reading anything I write. If they are, they sure as Hades aren't comprehending a word of it.
I've known that the state of modern education is pathetic, but this is beyond pathetic. This is morbidly depressing. Even worse is the sense of shock (real or feigned) that these offenders expressed when caught red-handed and hotlinked. What? they say when confronted. Those Rules, that tangle of letters and spaces I clicked through, actually carried meaning? That meaning applied to me? Me? But I... I'm special! I shouldn't have to follow your Rules! Those are for the other guy, like common courtesy and red lights! I shouldn't have to know how to actually make a website if I have a website, and I shouldn't have to pay attention to anyone's wishes but my own! Now, I understand that these are probably minors, but I wasn't that clueless as a kid, and I've had plenty of underage Skyhaven visitors who not only had no problem with basic cyberpet netiquette, but who could design rings around my sites with their eyes closed and both hands tied behind their backs. Somewhere along the way, they are learning that if they don't understand something, or don't care to take the time to read and understand something, they don't have to pay attention to it.
It's 10:oo. I reckon it's midnight somewhere...
Twice this month, I have caught visitors to Skyhaven Adoptions remote-linking their images. The problem is not that it's tripping my bandwidth allowance (yet.) The problem is that I very specifically and repeatedly state that remote-linking is against the rules, the rules through which all visitors must pass before they even see the critters. Logic tells me that there are other hotlinkers out there; these two were just dumb/naive enough (potayto, potahto) to let me know about it. Usually, I content myself with changing file names once in a while. This breaks links, leaving bandwidth thieves with a lovely collection of red X's. In fact, that's how I tried to deal with the first offender. I even went the extra mile and informed her that her links may well go bad in a short time, so she ought to save them and upload them properly to her own site. So, a few days later, I checked to see if she got the hint (I had been keeping tabs on her via guestbook entries, warning her that she'd better stop stealing bandwidth pronto, and that her little song-and-dance routine about how she didn't realize it was breaking the rules and how it shouldn't matter because she's special in some way, blah, blah, blah), and what did I find? She had diligently gone back through Skyhaven and updated all her links to the new addresses. What really toasted my tailfeathers, the thing that really got my dander up, was that some of these images were from the "Megahunt," the hardest part of the hunt... the part she had the audacity to tell me was "too hard" because she had to get her mommy to help her! Steal from the Main Adoption Lairs? Not good, but not infuriating. Steal from the general Skyhaven Hunt, where people theoretically have to work to earn their critters? Even worse. Steal from the Megahunt, on top of telling me (in a poorly-spelled and grammatically infuriating way) my puzzles are too hard? Such fools deserve to be chased barefoot across hot lava by wild boars. Lacking the lava or the boars, I managed to get things straightened out for the time being. I even managed to tell her basic information about her Megahunt "earned" creatures which it was impossible to solve the Megahunt without learning; no wonder she had to have her mother do it for her. (Double-shame on Mom for actually doing it - if the thief had to struggle through on her own for a while, she might actually learn some reading comprehension.)
The second problem literally dropped into my Inbox. I won't go into detail, but again it all boiled down to reading Rules and not understanding or caring about them. I sent an e-mail explaining how to properly host images, but since it involved more than ten consecutive words I'm not holding my breath on the lesson taking. I have a sneaking suspicion that the first and second offenders are at the very least friends, if not dual personalities of the same physical entity. It was this, and the realization that for every "dumb crook" who falls into my lap like these two there must be dozens more bandwidth thieves smart enough not to draw attention to themselves, that prompted me to follow through with my original threat to block all image hotlinking from Skyhaven, even though this seriously inconvenienced me. One of the perks of paying for my own domain space was that I could host my own avatar images and other pictures. I enjoyed it. Now I have to rely on Photobucket, and while I've never had a problem with them, it rankles that I cannot use my own domain space because of generally clueless people.
Through this, I came to a very sad realization. I am apparently the last literate internet user on the planet. See, both of these offenders (and countless more I don't know about) claim to have read my Rules. I consider myself a relatively clear, of occasionally verbose, writer. My Rules at Skyhaven expressly forbid remote linking. They explain what remote linking is. They explain how to save images. They even explain how to obtain an account with Photobucket and Imageshack if they need an image host (though why they would I don't know, as I haven't heard of a site host yet that couldn't upload image files.) In short, I bent over backwards when writing my Rules to accomodate visitors of all skill and maturity levels. And yet, through e-mails and guestbook entry exchanges, I must conclude that it isn't enough, because nobody's actually reading anything I write. If they are, they sure as Hades aren't comprehending a word of it.
I've known that the state of modern education is pathetic, but this is beyond pathetic. This is morbidly depressing. Even worse is the sense of shock (real or feigned) that these offenders expressed when caught red-handed and hotlinked. What? they say when confronted. Those Rules, that tangle of letters and spaces I clicked through, actually carried meaning? That meaning applied to me? Me? But I... I'm special! I shouldn't have to follow your Rules! Those are for the other guy, like common courtesy and red lights! I shouldn't have to know how to actually make a website if I have a website, and I shouldn't have to pay attention to anyone's wishes but my own! Now, I understand that these are probably minors, but I wasn't that clueless as a kid, and I've had plenty of underage Skyhaven visitors who not only had no problem with basic cyberpet netiquette, but who could design rings around my sites with their eyes closed and both hands tied behind their backs. Somewhere along the way, they are learning that if they don't understand something, or don't care to take the time to read and understand something, they don't have to pay attention to it.
It's 10:oo. I reckon it's midnight somewhere...
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Chirolupes and Classifieds
In honor of how I spent today...
The chirolupe, for all none of you who don't know about my website (I'm guessing here, but I don't think I've got much of a readership going), is a creature I created for my cyberpet adoption site, Skyhaven. As part of my neverending efforts to make Skyhaven a bigger, better, and less dreadfully boring and incoherent a place, I've been redoing my older adoptable critters, as inspiration hits. This time up, it's the chirolupes. They're getting a rather interesting new look, if I do say so myself. They were originally intended to be a sort of nocturnal griffin knockoff, combining a bat and a wolf instead of an eagle and lion. The new chirolupes seem closer to what I had in mind, something you wouldn't necessarily run away from, but nevertheless wouldn't want to see coming up behind you in the middle of the night. Or perhaps I'm delusional again...
The point of this (as much as there is a point to it) is that I've put quite a lot of time and effort into recreating something that probably nobody else cares about but me. After all, I've never had a complaint. (Well, I did have one person sign the guestbook a few years back saying that nobody would ever visit a site as verbose as mine. My hit counter proved them quite wrong, thank you very much.) I've never had anyone e-mail me saying,"Your site is great, but your chirolupes could sure use a more dynamic pose." The only impetus to improve them - to improve anything at any of my websites - is my own dissatisfaction with what I've created, and/or the need to continually polish and hone and improve my work. That, as mentioned, takes a lot of time and effort. It takes time and effort to look at what I've created, to think about what I like or dislike about it, and think of how it could be improved and how I could go about improving it. It takes time and effort actually sitting down in front of the keyboard or my sketchbook and scribbling, rambling, doodling, and editing my way to a finished product which may, in the end, bear little resemblance to the original product, or may have all of five words or half an inch worth of line changed. It takes time and effort to root out the old material and insert the new stuff, making all necessary updates and changes throughout my sites so that the internal consistency (what there is of it) remains relatively sound. And it takes time and effort to mull over and/or implement the ideas for further improvements and additions that always come with poking through my websites. That is time and effort that could've been going into... oh, say getting a job, or teaching myself another marketable job skill, or cleaning out my room so I knew what was going in the trash and what could be potentially hawked on eBay.
I've been working on getting myself employed again, believe it or not. I've been hitting every job listing site I can get bookmarked. I read the classifieds every day. I've also been trying, against major internal criticism and general slothful habits, to finish the second draft of that story I posted earlier, and to make something at my workbench specifically with the intent of selling it. I even had an application in my virtual hands this weekend. It never got turned in. (Technically speaking, that wasn't just a matter of me hemming and hawing, but a matter of fine print that wasn't made clear, deadlines that couldn't be met without access to my car - Mom and Dad had commandeered it, since theirs was in the shop -, and downloads that fought me, but the principle's the same.) I know that if I applied half the effort I put towards Skyhaven into the application process, I might have had a job offer by now. If I put a quarter of that effort into the armatures at my workbench, I might have something I liked enough to try selling. If I put an eighth of it into teaching myself how to feign enthusiasm in interviews... well, you get the idea.
They say ("they" being those people who make money telling other people how great it is that they're happily making money) that, when identifying what job to focus on, you're supposed to look at what you do when you have no other obligations. They neglect to mention that simply doing something, and doing something for money, are two totally different mindsets requiring two totally different skill sets, with two totally different motivations. Not that they can't be intergrated - I've seen it happen in others - but it's not as simple as deciding that you're going to make money and then opening the mailbox to find the paycheck. At least, for me it's not, because what I do in my free time isn't just draw and plot and create. It's staying out of the way and avoiding the Dread Demon Reality. It's what I'm best at, when all's said and done. I've been looking at the want ads for quite some time, and I have never once seen listed as a job qualification "Must be capable of staying out of the way" or "Reluctance to deal with other human beings a plus." So what I'm really doing with my free time isn't just potential Art or Graphic Design or Webmaster or Writer training. It's my own personal study course for a masters degree in getting nothing done.
Do I intend to give it all up? Wouldn't it be better just to bid adieu to my websites, flush my pointless little daydreams and all the effort I've wasted sharing them with the virtual world away, and redirect my efforts completely? Not on your life. Let's face it; my imagination's all I've got going for me at the moment, and I know me well enough to know that if I didn't have any creative outlet, I'd go nuts. I've been daydreaming all my life. I honestly feel sorry for people incapable of it, or of imagination on any scale. It boggles my warped little brain, how scared many people are of their own imaginations, what lengths they go to to supress it in themselves and others. So I have no intention of letting mine wither away as so many others have. I won't let the chirolupes die while it's in my power to keep them alive. Does that mean I'll never get a job and I'll be stuck in this hole for the remainder of my pathetic little life? I sincerely hope not. Other people manage to balance reality and fantasy. It must be possible. Determined as I am to hang on to my dreams (or daydreams, rather), however, that doesn't alter the basic facts of life. One of those facts is that unemployment ultimately leads to more problems than its worth, and it's exceptionally hard to be creative when one cannot afford the tools and materials to be creative with.
So tomorrow, it's back to the classifieds. Tonight, however, the chirolupes are calling...
The chirolupe, for all none of you who don't know about my website (I'm guessing here, but I don't think I've got much of a readership going), is a creature I created for my cyberpet adoption site, Skyhaven. As part of my neverending efforts to make Skyhaven a bigger, better, and less dreadfully boring and incoherent a place, I've been redoing my older adoptable critters, as inspiration hits. This time up, it's the chirolupes. They're getting a rather interesting new look, if I do say so myself. They were originally intended to be a sort of nocturnal griffin knockoff, combining a bat and a wolf instead of an eagle and lion. The new chirolupes seem closer to what I had in mind, something you wouldn't necessarily run away from, but nevertheless wouldn't want to see coming up behind you in the middle of the night. Or perhaps I'm delusional again...
The point of this (as much as there is a point to it) is that I've put quite a lot of time and effort into recreating something that probably nobody else cares about but me. After all, I've never had a complaint. (Well, I did have one person sign the guestbook a few years back saying that nobody would ever visit a site as verbose as mine. My hit counter proved them quite wrong, thank you very much.) I've never had anyone e-mail me saying,"Your site is great, but your chirolupes could sure use a more dynamic pose." The only impetus to improve them - to improve anything at any of my websites - is my own dissatisfaction with what I've created, and/or the need to continually polish and hone and improve my work. That, as mentioned, takes a lot of time and effort. It takes time and effort to look at what I've created, to think about what I like or dislike about it, and think of how it could be improved and how I could go about improving it. It takes time and effort actually sitting down in front of the keyboard or my sketchbook and scribbling, rambling, doodling, and editing my way to a finished product which may, in the end, bear little resemblance to the original product, or may have all of five words or half an inch worth of line changed. It takes time and effort to root out the old material and insert the new stuff, making all necessary updates and changes throughout my sites so that the internal consistency (what there is of it) remains relatively sound. And it takes time and effort to mull over and/or implement the ideas for further improvements and additions that always come with poking through my websites. That is time and effort that could've been going into... oh, say getting a job, or teaching myself another marketable job skill, or cleaning out my room so I knew what was going in the trash and what could be potentially hawked on eBay.
I've been working on getting myself employed again, believe it or not. I've been hitting every job listing site I can get bookmarked. I read the classifieds every day. I've also been trying, against major internal criticism and general slothful habits, to finish the second draft of that story I posted earlier, and to make something at my workbench specifically with the intent of selling it. I even had an application in my virtual hands this weekend. It never got turned in. (Technically speaking, that wasn't just a matter of me hemming and hawing, but a matter of fine print that wasn't made clear, deadlines that couldn't be met without access to my car - Mom and Dad had commandeered it, since theirs was in the shop -, and downloads that fought me, but the principle's the same.) I know that if I applied half the effort I put towards Skyhaven into the application process, I might have had a job offer by now. If I put a quarter of that effort into the armatures at my workbench, I might have something I liked enough to try selling. If I put an eighth of it into teaching myself how to feign enthusiasm in interviews... well, you get the idea.
They say ("they" being those people who make money telling other people how great it is that they're happily making money) that, when identifying what job to focus on, you're supposed to look at what you do when you have no other obligations. They neglect to mention that simply doing something, and doing something for money, are two totally different mindsets requiring two totally different skill sets, with two totally different motivations. Not that they can't be intergrated - I've seen it happen in others - but it's not as simple as deciding that you're going to make money and then opening the mailbox to find the paycheck. At least, for me it's not, because what I do in my free time isn't just draw and plot and create. It's staying out of the way and avoiding the Dread Demon Reality. It's what I'm best at, when all's said and done. I've been looking at the want ads for quite some time, and I have never once seen listed as a job qualification "Must be capable of staying out of the way" or "Reluctance to deal with other human beings a plus." So what I'm really doing with my free time isn't just potential Art or Graphic Design or Webmaster or Writer training. It's my own personal study course for a masters degree in getting nothing done.
Do I intend to give it all up? Wouldn't it be better just to bid adieu to my websites, flush my pointless little daydreams and all the effort I've wasted sharing them with the virtual world away, and redirect my efforts completely? Not on your life. Let's face it; my imagination's all I've got going for me at the moment, and I know me well enough to know that if I didn't have any creative outlet, I'd go nuts. I've been daydreaming all my life. I honestly feel sorry for people incapable of it, or of imagination on any scale. It boggles my warped little brain, how scared many people are of their own imaginations, what lengths they go to to supress it in themselves and others. So I have no intention of letting mine wither away as so many others have. I won't let the chirolupes die while it's in my power to keep them alive. Does that mean I'll never get a job and I'll be stuck in this hole for the remainder of my pathetic little life? I sincerely hope not. Other people manage to balance reality and fantasy. It must be possible. Determined as I am to hang on to my dreams (or daydreams, rather), however, that doesn't alter the basic facts of life. One of those facts is that unemployment ultimately leads to more problems than its worth, and it's exceptionally hard to be creative when one cannot afford the tools and materials to be creative with.
So tomorrow, it's back to the classifieds. Tonight, however, the chirolupes are calling...
Sunday, July 09, 2006
A Good Year for Butterflies
Well, it's been nearly a month. I suppose I ought to update all none of you on how I've been doing, or not doing, with my life.
First off, I might mention the butterflies. This seems to be a particularly good year for them. I lost count of how many I've seen. These aren't just the Western tiger swallowtails, either (which are cool enough, as far as I'm concerned.) It's a fairly wide variety, pretty much everywhere I go. According to my books on such matters, butterflies are symbols of transformations, transitions, and joy at life. They are about seeing where you want to go and who you want to be, then figuring out what in your life needs to change so you can get there. I've seen large numbers of butterflies before, too. After my December incident (which I won't bother rehashing here - seems like everyone reading this already knows about how the Universe tried to kill me to get my attention), and various messages and events surrounding that incident, I've been trying to keep my eyes a bit more open to such things. The lesson of the December incident, as summed up by one astrologer, was essentially Change Or Die. I'm still here, alive and, so far as I can determine, healthy, so I'm hoping my subconscious self, the one that brought me to the brink to begin with, is on board with the whole "change" option and won't feel compelled to give me another prod again, at least not for quite some time. The lesson of the butterflies is perhaps less extreme, but the idea of change is still there.
I'm trying, as best I know how, to get my life on some semblance of a track, headed toward some semblance of a destination. The emphasis here is "as best I know how." We are not a big family for changes. My parents have been married for 36 years. I've lived in the same house my entire life. I only changed schools (barring age breaks) once, over summer break, because one elementary school in town was shut down due to diminished attendance. (Man, that was a long time ago - today, it's reopened and bursting at the seams. But I digress...) I went through Camp Fire from kindergarten through high school, not always with a group or even necessarily as an active participant but because Mom had us in Camp Fire and, dang it, we kids weren't going to quit until she was good and ready to leave. I've only had one real job. In thinking about my life, I've come to the conclusion that there's a lot I just plain don't know, nor am I entirely sure how to learn. One of these glaring oversights in my education is change. I suck at it. Truly, I do. My idea of change is getting hooked on a new series after an old one goes off the air, stops publication, or jumps the shark (that happens in both TV and printed worlds, incidentally.) Intellectually, I know that change is not only inevitable, but even potentially desirable. I know that the life I'm living now is not the life I ought to be living, or even necessarily the life I want to live. And I'm seeing all these butterflies, these beautiful, dancing creatures who make change look so easy and appealing. It's the actual change, it's the getting there from here and knowing that there is a there I want to get to, that's slowing me down. But I'm trying, at least. As best I know how.
...
Oh. I promised an update on my pseudolife. I suppose I ought to give one. Off of my list from a couple entries ago, the only tangible success has been the first one, Finish That Logo. It's finished, burned, and ready to run this coming Tuesday. Frankly, I'm not overfond of it. I think the background's unnecessary. But, they wanted trees and a lake, so they got trees and a lake. I only hope they still want him. See, the camp site director hasn't gotten back to us to confirm the date of the run. I sent a preview to her supposed e-mail address and haven't heard a peep back. So we're showing up on Tuesday with a silk screen and hoping they're ready for us. At the very least, I want to get some compensation. I worked my tail off on this one, dang it, and if they're going to force me to use a background I don't like, they're at least going to give me something for my time and effort!
It's not exactly on the list, but I did fill another sketchbook. Technically, it was half a sketchbook - it was lost for a while, but I found it again. I had another book running around, but the paper's more suited to dry media, and I do most of my learning doodles/sketching with ballpoint pens. So I've got to make an art store run tomorrow. Never fun on a nonexistent budget, but I'm already going nuts without a sketchbook. I'll take that as a good sign, that I've programmed my brain to consider creativity and art a "must" rather than a "maybe." While I'm out, I'm going to get a cheap kitchen timer. The idea behind it is simple: I set the timer to half an hour (to start with), pick an activity (writing, sculpting, art, playing with my penny whistle), and until that timer runs up I'm not allowed to leave said activity. Even if I'm just dusting my sculpting tools or alphabetizing my pencil collection, I'm sitting there, doing something, for that length of time. My hope is that I'll program my brain to actually create things rather than daydream about creating things or concocting reasons why I can't create things just now.
Speaking of the penny whistle, I've had an unusual urge to pick it up again after... yeesh, it's been nearly a year of not playing. Surprisingly, I haven't forgotten absolutely everything about playing it. I have no idea why, but I feel I ought to know how to play a musical instrument. The trick is finding a place to play where relatives and pets won't bug me, and where I won't bug relatives and pets.
I am still writing (believe it or not), but not at the rate I was for a while. There are a number of factors, most notably the synapse-scorching heat and lingering humidity we've had hanging around the area, but as usual it boils down to inherent laziness. I'm working on it, though, even if sometimes I feel like I'm totally winging it and my readers will clue in instantly that I don't have a clue what I'm writing about. (Not unlike right now... ;-) )
On site news, I haven't really done much. I hope to completely overhaul the Realm by the end of the year, and Skyhaven could use a facelift if nothing else. Speaking of Skyhaven, at least one existing creature is (hopefully) going to get a complete redesign by the next update, and I'm kicking around a couple of new species in my brain that may almost be ready for public display. Provided I can get my claws on a sketchbook ASAP, that is...
Well, I suppose that's it for now.
First off, I might mention the butterflies. This seems to be a particularly good year for them. I lost count of how many I've seen. These aren't just the Western tiger swallowtails, either (which are cool enough, as far as I'm concerned.) It's a fairly wide variety, pretty much everywhere I go. According to my books on such matters, butterflies are symbols of transformations, transitions, and joy at life. They are about seeing where you want to go and who you want to be, then figuring out what in your life needs to change so you can get there. I've seen large numbers of butterflies before, too. After my December incident (which I won't bother rehashing here - seems like everyone reading this already knows about how the Universe tried to kill me to get my attention), and various messages and events surrounding that incident, I've been trying to keep my eyes a bit more open to such things. The lesson of the December incident, as summed up by one astrologer, was essentially Change Or Die. I'm still here, alive and, so far as I can determine, healthy, so I'm hoping my subconscious self, the one that brought me to the brink to begin with, is on board with the whole "change" option and won't feel compelled to give me another prod again, at least not for quite some time. The lesson of the butterflies is perhaps less extreme, but the idea of change is still there.
I'm trying, as best I know how, to get my life on some semblance of a track, headed toward some semblance of a destination. The emphasis here is "as best I know how." We are not a big family for changes. My parents have been married for 36 years. I've lived in the same house my entire life. I only changed schools (barring age breaks) once, over summer break, because one elementary school in town was shut down due to diminished attendance. (Man, that was a long time ago - today, it's reopened and bursting at the seams. But I digress...) I went through Camp Fire from kindergarten through high school, not always with a group or even necessarily as an active participant but because Mom had us in Camp Fire and, dang it, we kids weren't going to quit until she was good and ready to leave. I've only had one real job. In thinking about my life, I've come to the conclusion that there's a lot I just plain don't know, nor am I entirely sure how to learn. One of these glaring oversights in my education is change. I suck at it. Truly, I do. My idea of change is getting hooked on a new series after an old one goes off the air, stops publication, or jumps the shark (that happens in both TV and printed worlds, incidentally.) Intellectually, I know that change is not only inevitable, but even potentially desirable. I know that the life I'm living now is not the life I ought to be living, or even necessarily the life I want to live. And I'm seeing all these butterflies, these beautiful, dancing creatures who make change look so easy and appealing. It's the actual change, it's the getting there from here and knowing that there is a there I want to get to, that's slowing me down. But I'm trying, at least. As best I know how.
...
Oh. I promised an update on my pseudolife. I suppose I ought to give one. Off of my list from a couple entries ago, the only tangible success has been the first one, Finish That Logo. It's finished, burned, and ready to run this coming Tuesday. Frankly, I'm not overfond of it. I think the background's unnecessary. But, they wanted trees and a lake, so they got trees and a lake. I only hope they still want him. See, the camp site director hasn't gotten back to us to confirm the date of the run. I sent a preview to her supposed e-mail address and haven't heard a peep back. So we're showing up on Tuesday with a silk screen and hoping they're ready for us. At the very least, I want to get some compensation. I worked my tail off on this one, dang it, and if they're going to force me to use a background I don't like, they're at least going to give me something for my time and effort!
It's not exactly on the list, but I did fill another sketchbook. Technically, it was half a sketchbook - it was lost for a while, but I found it again. I had another book running around, but the paper's more suited to dry media, and I do most of my learning doodles/sketching with ballpoint pens. So I've got to make an art store run tomorrow. Never fun on a nonexistent budget, but I'm already going nuts without a sketchbook. I'll take that as a good sign, that I've programmed my brain to consider creativity and art a "must" rather than a "maybe." While I'm out, I'm going to get a cheap kitchen timer. The idea behind it is simple: I set the timer to half an hour (to start with), pick an activity (writing, sculpting, art, playing with my penny whistle), and until that timer runs up I'm not allowed to leave said activity. Even if I'm just dusting my sculpting tools or alphabetizing my pencil collection, I'm sitting there, doing something, for that length of time. My hope is that I'll program my brain to actually create things rather than daydream about creating things or concocting reasons why I can't create things just now.
Speaking of the penny whistle, I've had an unusual urge to pick it up again after... yeesh, it's been nearly a year of not playing. Surprisingly, I haven't forgotten absolutely everything about playing it. I have no idea why, but I feel I ought to know how to play a musical instrument. The trick is finding a place to play where relatives and pets won't bug me, and where I won't bug relatives and pets.
I am still writing (believe it or not), but not at the rate I was for a while. There are a number of factors, most notably the synapse-scorching heat and lingering humidity we've had hanging around the area, but as usual it boils down to inherent laziness. I'm working on it, though, even if sometimes I feel like I'm totally winging it and my readers will clue in instantly that I don't have a clue what I'm writing about. (Not unlike right now... ;-) )
On site news, I haven't really done much. I hope to completely overhaul the Realm by the end of the year, and Skyhaven could use a facelift if nothing else. Speaking of Skyhaven, at least one existing creature is (hopefully) going to get a complete redesign by the next update, and I'm kicking around a couple of new species in my brain that may almost be ready for public display. Provided I can get my claws on a sketchbook ASAP, that is...
Well, I suppose that's it for now.
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