Time Flies, Regardless of Fun Level

And so it's been a few months... time for a little cathartic whine.

I'd wanted to have at least one story finished and making the rounds by now... but I can barely open a Word document without cringing anymore, and my freewriting exercises turn into me yelling at myself to write something. And I know I need to stop doing that, but there's nothing else in my head right now but the yelling. That, and the escapist daydreaming I use to escape the yelling.

I'd wanted to get my website overhauled... but the inspiration well ran dry while I was trying to figure out HTML 5. I need to give the thing a nice facelift, or at least cut the deadweight I'm not maintaining.

I'd wanted to get some art projects finished... but between them fighting me and various demands on my time, I don't expect it'll ever happen. And I have projects coming up I need time and space for.

I'd wanted to make some manner of plan or headway for a future beyond slinging books, but education options are still prohibitively expensive, and my only other employment option is the retail trap.

I'd at least wanted to get away from the family for a little vacation... but then most of the state became a fire zone, the rest got damaged in a windstorm, and it turns out I couldn't have gone anyway because of car issues in the household. Even though I really, really need a break from my family, and they need a break from me.

Guess you really can't get what you want. Or even what you need...

 

Logically, I know I've done a few things.

I did the usual camp logos this year, which always makes me feel like I've accomplished something even though I really haven't.

For a while, I had a beta reader buddy, which counts as a bravery test.

I've taken several small day trips.

I've read many, many books... some of them even good ones.

That health issue - some tingling and weirdness in the feet and lower legs - seems to be mostly gone; the rest I'm pretty sure comes down to poor posture and standing for so long at work.

I got some nice new toys to play with.

And I shouldn't be complaining anyway because I have a job and a roof over my head and family and all that other stuff I know I'm taking for granted as a sheltered, spoiled rotten citizen of a First World country.

Still... is it so wrong to wish just one thing I wanted would go right? Or is the best I can ever hope for simply "I suppose it could be worse - and probably will be, soon enough"?

And Suddenly It's March...

Just a quick I'm-not-dead-I'm-busy post for the much-neglected blog. (I've been slightly more active on my Facebook page, which is still terminally dull.)

For once, though, I actually have been busy - comparatively, at least.

I've taken more day trips this year than I think I took most of last year, and 2015's only two months old, give or take a few days. Losing Grandpa made us all a little more aware of how fast time slips past when you keep scheduling everything for Somedays. So, I've been to several parks, a small fantasy convention (which was less impressive than we'd hoped, but at least got us out of the house), a couple beaches, and a special exhibit on Pompeii, all of which have been more or less worthwhile. (The Pompeii one especially - quite fascinating, with some amazing stuff on display. I'm even glad I sprung for the audio tour.) My camera's been getting quite the workout.

I'm also making more of an effort to get Something Done on a creative front. Aside from cutting into my reading time, so far I have made little tangible progress, but I'm under the delusion that I'm slowly climbing out of the creative ditch I've been slumped in. Hopefully I'll get to the point where I can not only finish stories reliably, but start filling sketchbooks again... or maybe make more things to sell. (In my wildest dreams, I find the ambition to overhaul my websites - not just the book reviews, but the stagnant stuff. If nothing else, I ought to pull it if I'm not maintaining it.)

About the only real downside thus far has been a carryover from late last year - a minor health issue that has defied definitive diagnosis, yet which seems to slowly be resolving on its own. Fingers crossed that it continues to do so...

I suppose I've wasted enough time tonight. Best get back to doing something Useful.

So long, 2014...

 

Don't let the door hit you on the way out...

Well, another year's on its way into history. It was a year where most everyone seemed to get rainbows, while I just got rain. (Seriously. I saw the pictures all over the news sites. I only saw maybe three rainbows all year long, and one tried to wreck my car.) Yes, I acknowledge there were good spots now and again, but the bad, irritating, and downright frustrating ones tip the scales in review. In the end, I'm pretty much where I started, I suppose, and given the rate of inflation change remains too expensive for my budget.

But at least I'm not on fire, I suppose. (Positive thinking sometimes requires lowering one's standards of happiness... and even then there's plenty for the universe to gnaw off.)

(Pictures: Eagle nest from Wildlights at Woodland Park Zoo and Xmas ornaments honoring my grandfather, alongside an instrument he made me many years ago.)

Time Slips Away

As expected, September kinda sucked - mostly due to my grandfather falling ill and winding up in the hospital again.

But October decided to top it.

Today was the burial.

What can I really say about him? Words seem inadequate. This was a man who never saw a problem he couldn't invent a way to fix. This was a man who raised four kids after losing his wife, and never gave up or walked away or hid in a bottle or a job. This was a man who served his country proudly. This was a man who taught himself how to make jewelry and build musical instruments in his retirement. This was a man who, when told he couldn't make a particular instrument a particular way, deliberately set out to do it - and succeeded. This was a man who danced well into his 80's. This was a man who had had numerous brushes with death before, when the doctors wrote him off... and came back. This was a man who endured congestive heart failure, dementia, and numerous other ailments - and still managed to hold on long enough to die on his own terms, in his own bed and not in the hospital.

Rest in peace at last, Grandpa.